The Land of Confusion

For so many reasons I feel the need to write tonight ; yet I'm not sure where to think about beginin so much has happened ......

My daughter and her man are goin through a really rocky time and she's been forced to move back home and consider the possibility that she too will be a single mom in a few moths. They struggle to work it out and find the harmony they need to begin their family but I'm not sure if they will or if they can. My heart breaks to watch her cry, and struggle and try so hard to work this out........

My own relationship has been put at risk by some idiot out there and probably still is.... He don't talk to me, he tan to someone else and together they decided I was responsible. Yup makes sense to me to cry myself sick and into a migraine and yet I'm responsible. Someone explain to me how that works ? I've yet to figure it out ......Some days I truly feel like I'm at the very bottom of his priority list and hold little value in his life and am unsure how to fix it.... I truly wander if I make him happy ever ??? Pretty heavy burden to carry .......

My son leaves in 6 days to Indianapolis and his college career. He's worked so hard and done so well for this chance... I'm so proud of him and the paths he has chosen thus far for his life and future and yet the thought of him leavin just breaks my heart the rest of the way ... 

Like most these days , I struggle to some degree financially. I basically still support all 3 kids and a cousin that's lived with me since her last divorce and struggles to regain her footin in life and though she's no longer here I still provide a great amount of support for my mom and it's stressful at times.

Then of course there's all the emotional support they all want from me 24/7. Most have no respect for the fact that I work third shift and need to sleep. If they decide they need me for anything big or small anytime day or night then they make sure and get to me , and mostly that's ok it really is but occasionally I'd like to sleep in peace for more than 3 hours and I'd like someone to be there for me. They forget that I'm always there when it's my turn to need someone. 

I love my life and all of those in it and mostly the hectic no sleep life is what i"ve known for years but my kids are grown now, My daughter is expectin my first grandchild, my boys are forgin ahead with their futures..... ths should be my time in life 

So how is it I'm sat here tonight confused by it all, unsure of what tomorrow holds, unsure of my relationship, scared for my daughter and grandchild's future, and cryin already at the thought of my son leavin home ? How do I put it all in prespective and not loss who I am ?????

Guess only time will tell .... I shall get through as I've always done, never fear that , just unsure this time which fork in the road leads to where I wanna end up.........