Saturday, November 2, 2013

Thanks :)

Yup I'm still alive lol :)

It's November it's time to take time and be thankful for all that god has given me and all those amazingly special ppl in my life <3 .="" p="">

It's 2am and I sit here alone after a hard day and realize how little time I truly spend letting others know how much I love them and are thankful to have them in my life.  I get pretty wrapped up in everyday drama and forget the lil things that truly matter.

The love and hugs of my man :), the I wuv u Nana from my buddha man, the precious time I get to hold Haven when they visit.  The knowledge that my kids are safe and healthy. The ray of the sun, the smell of the rain, the squawk of the bird when I come home, the attack of kisses from my dogs, the most amazingly family and friends any girl could ever ask for.......

I'd love to hug and tell each of you personally how much you mean to me but that could take years lol so I'll try this post instead and make a start on that personal thing because as my life changes and grows.... and life passes us by so quickly .... I want everyone to know I love you and I'm glad you are a part of my life. 

Friday, February 3, 2012

A week of Change

It seems like forever since I've blogged though it's been less than two months. Pretty good for me. lol.
It's been a strange and wonderful week full of many changes and decisions. Life changing decisions. Made without weeks of thought and agonizing over making the right decision. Again unusual for me.
A week of firsts for me for sure
You see a lil over a week ago, I spent the night working and talking to the most wonderful man I've met in a long time. He sat up all night to talk to me. . invited me to come the next morning to nap and  cuddle and I went. Again not something I do. I NEVER meet anyone at their home but he was different. I was sure of it and OMG  I was right. I went fell in love and moved in within a matter of a couple of days.
Sure my family thinks I've totally lost my mind and I've had a moment or two when I've wondered myself but hey life is strange and I'm loving it.
He's gone out of his way to be sure I felt like this is home and it does. Suddenly life in my world makes sense.
All my life I've heard when you meet the right one you will know. Apparently those ppl knew what they was talking about. Cause  suddenly I know and all the stories about life and love and happily ever after make some kind of sense to me.
The Bytch has found life and love like she's never known before so maybe I'll be back and update eventually but maybe not. I'm pretty happy elsewhere these days. :)


Friday, December 9, 2011

November was a month of thanks :)

I spent the month of November with a challenge to myself to find something each day to be thankful for no matter how big or how small. 
I hoped to ground myself and restore some order and peace to myself. I also hoped it would remind those I love that there is so much in life to be thankful for, so much we take for granted every single day of our lives. 
I easily found 30 things to be thankful for. The good, the bad, the ugly, The obvious , the not so obvious. Some days I amazed myself with the little things that I was soooooo thankful for but take for granted. The list could have went on for ever I believe. Because of this project I've decided to start a journal the first of the year and see if I can manage a whole year of thanks. 
I'll let ya know how the project goes as the year progresses but for now I'm  posting my "Month of Thanks" 
I hope it makes you stop a moment and remember to be thankful for what you have :) 

!Nov. 1st I'm thankful for the parents that gave me life without them I'd not be here or who and what I am today. Thank You !!!!!!!

Nov. 2nd ~ I thought I knew what today's post was til I went to line the flag line as Pekin laid to rest one of our own Heroes. Today I'm thankful Pekin is my home and my hometown !!!!!! The support, patriotism, honor and dignity displayed today was totally awe inspiring and makes me so blessed and thankful to live in such a city !!!!!!!!!!!

Nov. 3~ Today I'm grateful to have the best friends in the world !!!!!! I know I never ever have to fear being alone. I got the kind of friends that will just sit on the phone and listen to me breath for the comfort of someone with me. They listen to me yell and scream and be a bitch, hold me when I cry. They celebrate my life and world, my accomplishments and they are there to hold me when I fail and help me get back up again !!!! I love you all to depths I could never explain here !!!!!!!!! You all hold a special place in my heart, now and forever !!!!!!!!!

Nov. 4~ Today I'm thankful for the My Children. They are truly my reason for living. the three I gave birth to as well as each and every one that I didn't. You ALL have given me the best and most important moments of my life. You've made me smile and laugh, love and hate, cry and breakdown but though it all I've loved you each more everyday of my life. I've known you love unconditionally as well !!!!!!!!!! You guys are my life, now and forever !!!!!!!!

Nov. 5~ Today I'm thankful for EVERY man and woman:past, present and future that has or does serve this country !!!!!!! They sacrifice and commitment to what they do is beyond inspiring. They do it with little thanks and often much scorn !!!!!!! NO ONE deserves our respect and thanks more than the American Soldier !!!!!!!!!

Nov. 6~ Today I'm thankful to have a job. A job that I love with the most wonderful people in the world !! It today's world it's rare to truly be able to say you love your job and I thank God everyday that I can and do !!!!

Nov 7~ Today I'm thankful that I have so many in my life to say "I Love You " too :) So many to hug .... It's the little things in life :)

Nov 8~ Today I'm thankful for My faith. That gives me the strength to go on when it seems there's no where left to go. That allows me to stand and fight when all I want to do is give up. That assures me that I'm never alone even in my darkest hours. That walks beside me, carries me and comforts me when I need it the most !!!!!!!

Nov 9~ Today i'm thankful for the internet. Yea I know it sounds silly but, it's allowed me to meet new friends, and stay in touch with old ones that have moved away. It's allowed me to reconnect with family and friends that live else where. I have friends across the globe now, many of whom are as close as my family. It's an amazing place the interwebs :)

Nov. 10~ Tonight I'm thankful for the roof over my head, food on my table. I don't always have everything I want in life but I always have everything I need and in today's wicked world when so many don't have the necessities of life I'm soooooooo very thankful that I do !!!!!!

Nov. 11~ Today i'm thankful; for my family near and far !!!!! I have the most amazing brothers and sisters and in-laws .. my *real* family os small these days but we are extremely close and I've got so many that I've met and have become family !!!!!!! I'm truly blessed !!!!!!!!

Nov 12~ Today i'm thankful for those that hurt me, used me, talked down about me and to me.... Because of you I'm me !!!!! I'm better and stronger and tougher and KNOW without a doubt there is nothing in this world that I can't do or overcome and come out stronger for it !!!!!! You all have helped make me the woman I am today !!!!!!

Nov 13~ Today I'm thankful for all those that risk their lives to be sure my family, friends and I are safe and taken care of when needed. the first responders, the emts, the medics, the firefighters , the police officers ......THANK YOU ALL for the jobs you do and the sacrifices you make !!!!! *HUGS* for each and everyone of you

Nov 14~ Today I'm thankful for good health. As I get older I thank God everyday for continued good health that allows me to work and support my family, to enjoy every moment of life and most importantly allows me to be there when my friends need me, it allows me to see my children grow into adults and not to watch my grandson grow up as well !!!!!!!!

Nov 15~ Today I'm thankful for KIND STRANGERS. Out of the blue, you receive unexpected help, a kind word, a message of inspiration, a smile. Seems I've run into a few of these strangers always when I need it the most !!!!!

Nov 16 ~ Today I'm thankful for music ! It speaks to the soul in good times and bad, it allows me to relax and express emotions I find difficult to express other ways.

Nov 17~ Today I'm thankful for the teachers in my life. those that taught me in school and those that cross my path as an adult and teach me still. I pray I continue learning everyday of my life and soooooooo appreciate those that have the patience and will to teach me !!!!!!!

Nov 18~ Today i'm thankful for the Sun that rises each morning to start another day and sets each evening to end my days be they good or bad !!!

Nov 19~ Today I'm thankful to live in a free nation. Messed up though it may be at times. I love this country and the freedom it allows me !!!!!!

Nov 20~ Today I'm thankful for the changing of seasons, the weather, in life and relationships. In many ways many things go through changes in much the same way the seasons do. Some better and brighter and some dead and grey but always something new to look forward too !!!!!!!

Niv 21~ Today I am thankful for moonlight and stars. The light of the night ;). The stars of the heavens !!!! Just an amazing sight !!!!

Nov 22~ Today I'm thankful for the ability to speak and living in a country that allows me to speak my mind !!!!!!!! i'm able to tell all that matter to me that I love them and the dickheads that I think they ae dickheads in no uncertain terms !!!!!

Nov 23 ~ Today I'm thankful for QUIET ANGELS. They walk into your life, often unannounced, help you in whatever way they can and just as quietly leave

Nov 24~ Today I'm thankful for each and everyone of you !!!!!!!! You all make my life : heart and soul complete !!!!! Hope each and everyone of you have a day as amazing as you are and know I wish I could have everyone of you here with me and mine today !!!!!! Happy Thanksgiving !!!!!!!! Love to each of you and many many Big Hugs !!!!!

Nov 25 ~Today I'm thankful for a good book. It takes me into another world and allows me the escape my mind needs to reboot.ig Hugs !!!!!!

Nov 26~ Today I'm thankful just to be alive :) Life is a gift. Mornings are gifts. Every time you wake up, stretch out those arms and say, “thank you for the gift of a brand new day!”

Nov 27~ Today I'm thankful for the gift of touch. Your hands can caress and soothe a loved one. You can touch and feel the different textures- soft, rough and silky smooth. With your touch you can express your love without words.

Nov 28~ Today i'm thankful for those that love me despite myself !!!!! Some days that's quite a chore I know but I'm blessed with many amazing friends that have seen me at my worst and yet love me despite it !!!!!! Those are the friends that inspire me , humble me and make me want to be all that I can be in this world !!!!!!!!! Loves ya all !!!!!!

Nov 29~ Tonight I'm thankful for the mistakes I've made. They have taught me many new things. They have made me learn and strive to do better. They've taught me that I can still learn and improve my life !!!!

Nov 30~ As my month of thankfulness ends this evening. Tonight I'm thankful to have so much to be thankful for, I've enjoyed the month of reflection and thought. I hope it's encouraged a few of you to slow down and be thankful for what truly matters as well. *Hugs*

Buddha Man turns 1

A year ago today you came into this world and comepletely stole Nana's heart. 
My first grand child. Wow you make Nana feel old. 
So precious and bright eyed from the moment you were born. You steal the heart of everyone that meets you. A wonderful precious gift from God. 
You never failt o make Nana's day. So loving anf bubbly already and just the handsomeest lil man ever. 
It's been an amazing year watching you grow and explore the world. So curious and quick to tell Nana off already lol. 
You are going to give your Mom and Dad many fits .
You make my world complete Cory Alan !!!!!
Nana Loves you Buddha Man !!!!!!!
Happy Birthday !!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Brittany Ann

21 today really ?
It so doesn't seem possible. 
I remember the moment I found out I was expecting you.
I remember the first time you moved. 
I remember the fear when you was late. 
I remember holding you for the very first time. 
My first born
My only Daughter 
Your first words
Your first steps
Your first day of school
Your first choir concnert
Your first day of high school
Your first date
Your first kiss
The day you graduated 
You're grown now
A lovely young woman
A Mom to my first grandson 
Doesn't seem possible 
I love you Baby Giel !!!!
Happy Birthday !!!!!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I an still on a rampage over the recent use of children to try and punish a parent when a relationship ends. 
I have three very dear friends going through this shit though in very different ways. My heart breaks for them both so much. However in the end it's the children that lose the most and that is so far beyond heart breaking that it makes me physically ill.
Children are not pawns in this game of life. I don't give a fuck if you hate your ex now. Once you cared enough to spread your legs for him and have his child. You shout to the rooftops how you love your children, would die or kill for them if needed. Yet YOU are the one killing them. Killing their trust in the ones that love them, eventually killing your own relationship with you. They will grow up and be able to see what you are doing , remember that. You're killing their ability to love and trust freely. You are teaching them that out right lies and deceit are OK when things don't go their way.  Or when they cheat , leave or just decide to be pissed .....
Really ??????? Are these the lessons you want your child to learn from you ???? 
How can a TRUE parent not one their children to have the love , affection and time with the other parent ?????
Publishing your issues, complaints and made up stories about your ex on social media web sites?????/ Posting digs at your children ????? Really ??????? You do shit like this then complain about your child's maturity level or the way the act toward you ??? Is there any wonder why ???? Children aren't stupid.
Restraining orders ?????? Yea that's they way to make your kids see how special they are to you. Yes I DO realize sometimes restraining orders ARE needed. However recently a few have been gotten that are just for spite period !!!!! 
Children learn what they live. It's an old proverb but one so very true. People where are you going to grow up and see truly what you're doing to your children. That in the end they are the ones hurt and damaged, often for life. 
Who are you going to whine to when you're alone , because you will be. One days those kids, well you know what, they grow up. They have eyes and ears and brains. They see and hear and will come to realize it was you that kept them from their other parent. It was you that didn't come see them. It was you that always bad mouthed the other parent. It was you that wasn't there,.
It was you that cared more about yourself than your child. It was you that swore you'd always be there and kill for your child. It was you that swore they were your reason for living and breathing.
Yet it was YOU that did none of those things and it will be YOU with no relationship with your child. It will be YOU that damaged your child. 
I've cried tears over this shit and they aren't my issues personally. I ache for these kids. I ache for the parents trying to do the right thing.
For the parents playing games, Wake the fuck up and get over yourself. Put your kids first !!!!!!
Failure to do so puts you in a special place in hell !!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2011


Though this isn't the post I had planned on writting tonight it's one I feel I need to write.
I was a single Mom , with amazing love , support , and help from friends and family. However my children didn't know their Dad's . The Dad's choice not mine ....As much as I appreciated no baby daddy drama in my life ,it broke my heart for my children!!!!
You see I wanted my kids to know their Dad's. I was raised by a step dad that loved me dearly and never treated me like a step child  BUT I knew I had a Dad out there somewhere that didn't want me.
I met my *Birth* Dad finally at 21 and had a wonderful few years with him before he left this world and I miss him everyday but it dind't make up for 21 years I didn't have him. I never wanted my kids to know that pain , regardless of my relationship with their fathers. I was't able to give them that , their Dad's too deserted them. 
I watch so much drama between couples over kids and far too often it's the Mom (sorry ladies). They use the kids as weapons for money, to control who Dad sees or where he goes, or just to keep him from being able to make choses for his kids as well because she can or some other bs reason. 
Truly such behavior sickens me. My kids NEVER heard what I thought of their dad's. I made excuses for the low lifes until my kids were grown. As my parents made excuses for mine as well.  I ALWAYS made sure their Dad's knew where to find their kids and how to contact me. THEY chose not to not because I played bullshit games and kept them from their children. 
Do you parents that play these games , really ever consider your children ?????? Their feelings ???Their needs ????? The long term damage you are doing ultimately to your OWN child not your ex ?????
Do you consider how very very selfish you are being ????? It's NOT about YOU , it's about the well being of your child !!!!!!!!!!! They want and need both parents in their lives. 
Every parent I've seen do this I just want to knock the living hell out of and trust me male or female I will be the first to tell you you are sooooooo wrong. 
You cared enough about your ex to have sex with them , care about that little one now...... You know the one you claim you'd give your life for ........ Well fuckign give it !!!!! Straighten up and do what's right by them !!!!!!
I love my kids and I couldn't give them their Dad's .. that hurt me like fuck !!!!!! If I could have done anything to change that I would have.  Cause they truly were my world and deserved that relationship and I'd have killed even for the help- occasionally !!!!!! For someone else to take some of the stress and worry and school trips and events etc..... 
I did  the very best I could and have three absolutely amazing children because of it but I couldn't give them the one person in life that should have been there as well. 
Why the FUCK would You try to take that from your child ??????????
You sicken me !!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Brian Delmar Graduates College !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brian is home and officially a college graduate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think I've quit smiling or bragging about it to anyone that will listen in days !!!!!!!!!!!
MY son , a college graduate !!!!!!
He is a Nationally Registered Electronics Service Tech with an associates degree in Business Management !!!!!!!!!!!!
Brian worked hard all through high school to decide what he wanted to do with his life. his list of awards and honor society memberships are long and varied. He truly made high school a stepping stone to his career !!!! He researched every college in the nation I think offering his career choice. Finally settling on Lincoln College of Technology in Indianapolis. We met with the recruiter, we made countless trips to Indy and a few to Springfield !
I shall never ever forget the tears the day we got the word he had been accepted or the day I left him in Indy all alone 210 miles from me ........... OMG I was so heartbroken !!!!!!!!! Yet he had worked hard and earned this chance to spread his wings and grow. He has spent the last 15 months doing just that , school and work and making new friends and surviving on his own. 
He's an absolutely amazing kid who is going to go so far in this world !!!!!!!! He's made me proud beyond belief !!!! I truly hope he knows how very very proud he's made me !!!!!!!! 
As a single Mom I couldn't give my kids everything they wanted in life but I gave them all I had !!!!!
They've all done well and made me one proud Momma !!!!!!!
Congratulations Brian Delmar !!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so proud and Love you sooooooooo much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Breast cancer Awareness

So the blog is now pink and the picture has been changed. From last month's male specific cancer to this month's much more noted Breast Cancer Awareness.
This month's blogs are harder for me to write. Those that read my blogs on a regular basis have read Kathy's story and know why as I sit here tonight trying to form the words, The tears fall freely.
You see Kathy was my VERY best friend in life EVER and for always but she lost her battle with breast cancer and is no longer here with me, or her amazing girls and grandchildren. She would be sooooooooo proud of them.
And as I'm dealing with Kathy's illness and eventual passing, another amazing , amazing friend discovers she too has breast cancer. Nita however was one of the lucky ones, She's a SURVIVOR two years cancer free now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This two causes the tears to flow and to thank God every single day that she is still here with me. She's a brat but I need her :). She's gone through so much and fought so hard. She had the amazing support of her husband, Ted, and her nest friend, Sandy. Along with many others !!!!!
Breast Cancer has a high survival rate if found and treated early . Please do your self exams , have your mammograms and talk to your Dr. about your risk factors. Encourage the ladies and men in your life to immediately have anything unusual checked !!!!
Yes I said men too, this is NOT a female specific disease , men can get breast cancer as well !!!!!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Kilted to Kick Cancer

In just a few days now my blog along with many others with shed the Kilted to Kick Cancer avi's and the blue and turn pink in support of Breast Cancer. However we still have 8 Days...
What have you done to raise awareness........ are you kilted ? Have you made a donation on one of the many blogger sites taking donations ???? More importantly have you told other men about male specific cancers and the absolute need to be checked !!!!!!!!
This crusade kicked off with Happy Medic and Motorcop, and with the amazing support of the fine folks over at Magnum Boots and Alt has spread well but we can do more to spread awareness. Ambo Driver has posted a challenge with big awesome prizes over on his blog to raise money for male specific cancers. Go check it out and catch a few pics of him in a Kilt as well. Many bloggers have joined the fight and I'll not even try to list them all for fear of missing someone.
Go Check out the official Kilted to Kick Cancer  site and see all the pics, blogs, awareness efforts ect....
Through my own donation I now sport an Official Kilted to Kick Cancer t-shirt form Magnum Boots :) and while running errands last week had the opportunity to explain #KTKC to three men and their wives. I also had the pleasure of meeting an awesome man that has survived prostate cancer and is now 3 years cancer free thanks to , in his words, * a nagging pain in the ass wife * who kept on him to get checked . It totally made my day.
So Ladies keep on those men in your life. Sometimes it actually gets through to them.
So write a blog, read a blog, make a donation , get a t-shirt, raise some money for the giveaway, like a facebook page , wear a kilt.....but MOST importantly GET CHECKED GUYS !!!!!!!!!!!!
We love the men in our life and wanna keep you around !!!!!!!! SPREAD the word, talk to anyone and everyone... let's make prostate cancer and male specific cancers as known as Breast Cancer !!!!!!
I KNOW we can do this ........