I sit here readin past blogs and realize it's amazin the path my life has gone , so many changes and pot holes in this road called life.
For those that read these things lol, my best friend as you know was fightin breast cancer, she lost that fight in January of this year. It's not somethin I've been able to blog about yet, the pain is still too deep and raw. I know I need to write her story , for me and for her , but not yet ......someday though....
All my kids are now adults...... It doesn't seem possible and it scares me .... Did I raise them with all the need to know , to survive the wicked world on their own. Britt's engaged, Brian graduates and soon after leaves for college, Chris enters his last year of high school this fall , without his brother. For the first time ever they will be separated, leadin totally different lives........ Have I prepared the 2 of them for that .....
I just don't know.......
John and I continue to grow in our relationship and struggle at times too lol. Life with a man can be an adventure at time to say the least. He's beginin to prepare for AT with his unit , which will take him away for 3 weeks. I KNOW I'm not ready for that..... :( Just the thought of him not bein here every night is killin me already , I shall be in a nut house by the time he gets home i'm sure and have killed everyone around me .
Tina struggles to get back on her feet but she's doin it and makin a new life for her and her son as she does so. I'm so proud of her and the way she's pullin her life together again , alone ....
Mom continues to struggle with the issues in her life but she too, is doin such an amazin job. She is truly my best friend as well as my mom , Love this new dimension we've formed to our relationship :)
My brothers and their amazin families are all doin awesome of course. I have the cutest lil nieces and nephews on the planet lol. I don't see them as often as I'd like sometimes but I truly hope they all know I'm here if they ever need anythin anytime ...
Mostly these days I struggle within myself......
I've made decesions in my life lately that alter ( to some degree) who I was....
I struggle to deal with life as an Army Girlfriend... a proud one never fear but still a struggle to deal with the times a part........
I struggle mostly though with my changin role as Mom ..... As much as I thought I would be happy to have my kids grown, no more diapers, bottles, cleanin and cookin every meal everyday, chasin after lil ones in the yard blah blah.... As my kids are all now adults.... I find myself missin those days a lil, Though I am and forever will be Mom .... my role in their lives has changed a lot the last few years ..... My kids are no longer kids but adults now and no longer *need* mom the way they once did .... I'm sure as time passes I'll adjust to that too it's just odd.....
I suppose though I could sit here forever and write about my fears and struggles etc in life....... as could most ppl but at the end of the day ..... The world continues to turn , ready I'm ready for it or not.....
Lesson learned some time ago to make the most of every singler precious moment you have with those you love and not let em slip away as all to soo it all changes, kids grow up, friends move on with their lives and families, loved ones leave this earth.....
Mostly because of this I don't dwell on that that scares me ... life is to precious and I entend to get the most out of every single second I have with each and every person that I love and hold dear.........
Hugs & love
Bytch
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