I've put off writing this one for far too long but, it's still so hard.......
Kathy was my Director of Nursing at the first nursing home I worked in, after retirin from EMS work. I worked night shift as a CNA Supervisor. However Kathy suffered greatly from insomnia and was often in the buildin in the middle of the night to do mundane paperwork. So we spoke often about the residents, the shortage of staff, normal work things. Over time however we began to talk about more and varied subjects, and discovered despite the fact that she was my mom's age we had a lot in common. We quickly became friends from there, swapping recipes, grabbin breakfast at the end of my shift, etc etc.
Kathy became my best friend, and then she hired Dave. Who eventually would become the third musketeer but, who as a brand new nurse, still license pending when Kathy hired him ( for MY shift). I was NOT happy to say the least. He was a tall, clumsy, hugs, stumblin male ffs. What was he doin as a nurse ????????
Dave struggled greatly , scared of anyone and everyone that spoke to him at first. He made me nuts. He was slow to get anythin done. I spent many hours in Kathy's office threatenin to kill the lil f**kin wimp. However we to got over that and he discovered I was only there to help him, despite the rough exterior I wear. Kathy saw something in Dave early that I hadn't but I finally did and the 3 of us became inseparable The 3 Musketeers was born.......
Kathy and I became closer than ever and now often included Dave in what we did but not always lol.
Kathy was my best friend, my mom, my sister, my confidant.....she was truly a part of who and what I was in life. I knew I could call her for anythin, any time day or night regardless.....
Than she called me one day, we needed to talk........
We met for dinner that night and she told me.....
She'd been for a mammogram to have a lump checked out that she'd had for over a year !!!!!!!!!! That in itself was news to me ..........but, it got worse she'd had all the tests and it was definitely cancer. Stage 4 at that and there was no treatment and no hope. Further testin had reviled that the cancer had already spread to her bones...... She wanted to speak to me about the care she wanted and didn't want and asked if I'd go with her to plan her funeral ?
How do you say no to that ???? How do you say yes ??????
I went, we planned her funeral, In the comin months we tool every single minute together, discussin every thing and then some.
I took her to dr. appts. I argued with dr 's , I screamed and cried, I argues with her family and mine, I argued with friends, and I spent every single moment with her I could.
She planned her funeral, wrote letters to her family, reconnected with family and friends, she watched my oldest graduate high school with as much pride as I did,
As Christmas approached again, she was on hospice this year, unable to bake and shop. She was confined to bed. I was there daily after work for a bit to care for her and give her a shower and am meds etc.... As she grew worse, so did I and found more and more reasons why I couldn't be there as much. Not that I didn't love her but I knew the end was near and I couldn't stand seein her that way .......... it hurt to much and frankly I was mad !!!!!!! She knew she'd had that lump and had delayed treatment for sooooooo long. I was losin my best friend out of her own fear , it wasn't fair. Breast CA if caught early is normally very treatable and she was a flippin RN she knew this..... and still didn't go til it was to late........
Kathy passed away this past January. She could fight no longer......
I lost part of myself when I got that phone call ... I don't know how to explain teh pain and devastation I felt , even knowin that finally her pain was gone and she suffered no longer. Thanks to the lovin support of my family, Kathy;s family, My baby (ssgjbroyles) and Dave ..... I survivied the services etc and am now begin to be able to celebrate her life and not mourn her passin as much,,,
We had talked about me writin her story though and she wanted it done ; for her, for me, for her family and friends but also for others.....
Breast cancer is one of the most treatable cancers IF caught and treated early. It affects men as well as women. So plzzzzzzz have your check ups done, your mammograms, do your self exams.....
For Kathy and for me..... early detection is the key ....... don't let this story be yours.....
No comments:
Post a Comment