A New Year

A week into the new year and I'm just gettin around to this blog. Seems I've neglected this blog lately but life has been busy and full of so many changes but, none the less I'm here now my dear blog :).

You see the last year has brought many changes in my world.....

My first grand baby was born, Cory Allan, Grandma's lil Buddha :)9 lbs 5 ozs and the cause of me missin firefighternetcast for the first time ever lol but, he was worth not being able to be in the audience that night.  Now as I watch him grow and spoil him, I struggle to not take over and try not to give too much unwanted advice to his parents. As they all live with me however sometimes that's easier said than done. 

I watch my daughter, my oldest, struggle to grow up and raise her son all at once. I watch her stress over all the things that bein a mom and a responsible adult brings to your world. I worry and want to help but know I must not interfere to much or she shall never learn the things she needs to learn. Many days however I bite my tongue to keep from killing her and the boyfriend lol.

My middle child, graduated high school and moved out of state to attend college. I'm so very proud of him and all that he's done with his life and the choices he's made thus far. He struggles away from home, his family , his friends and mostly his twin brother but he maintains his 4.0 gpa and is lookin forward to graduation in October.

My youngest began his senior year and is lookin forward to graduation in May. He struggles to find his niche in life without his twin by his side :). He recently found his birth father and met him, to only once again be ignored and treated like he didn't exist. A very hard painful lesson for him to learn from the man responsible for bringin him into this world. 

Mom is doin well and has gotten herself a dog, Chauncy Dale and is ABSOLUTELY no dog anywhere more spoiled than he is lol but, he's been great for her and brings her much joy and laughter.  Recently she has begun to plan her wedding and am so lookin forward to Rick truly becomin my Dad.

As far as the man that was dad all my life, well we have fought and made up and fought some more. At this point in life if he speaks to me about everyday general chit chat well then maybe I can tolerate it and if not well than he can stay up there in Rhode Island with his Cunt of a wife. I've made my peace and have no regrets for the lack of a relationship he has with me or my children.

John and I have gone our separate ways, my choice. We want and expect different things from a relationship. We however remain friends and that relationship continues to grow. :) He's a wonderful man just not my soul mate I guess :(. 

I continue my involvement and support of firefightenetcast and Chronicles of EMS groups and love every minute of them. I have met some amazing ppl within both groups and made some even more amazing friends !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I however mostly struggle with who I am ?????? My kids are all grown and venturing out into the adult world with out needing me to be there every second anymore. Their need for me has changed dramatically.  I'm not dating, I don't do the bar/party scene. I don't drink and I work third shift. My main form of entertainment and social interaction outside of the family is here online.  Addicted ????? maybe , probably lol but it's a technology world for sure. I suffer greatly from empty nest syndrome and some days I get so depressed all I wanna do is run away :). I won't however never fear, I'm stronger than that just have to take time out for the occasional pity party lol. 

The dynamics of my world have greatly changed this past year and I'm still strugglin to catch up and adjust to those changes. I'll get there just got to readjust my world to think about me first now, instead of the kids, that's a big HARD change but hey it's anew year and I'm lookin forward to what it brings :)