Ramblin--- Oct. 6, 2009

Tonight I again sit here my thoughts runnin a million miles a second......I wish at times I could stop this damn roller coaster ride of life ......... but the world continues to spiral .........
Foremost tonight are my kids..... My daughter has recently found her father and is overjoyed with the chance to form a relationship with him......me I sit here scared to death.... will it work out for her, will he break her heart yet again, will I lose her to the father she's never known but has always so desperately wanted ??????????? So many questions, fears and emotions.......and no easy answers........only more questions
Brian has begun to meet with colleges and startin to make plans to go away to school next fall.... I've always thought I'd be ready to let my kids go.... until he started talkin about goin to an out of state school and i"m freakin and cryin at the thought .. God help the poor child when he actually leaves...
Chris is more involved at school than ever and contemplates his life as a senior in high school with his brother possibly in another state ....Will be the first time the 2 of them have truly be separated....
All 3 are beginin to blaze their own paths in this world and they have all made me as proud as any parent could be ....They are all doin well and takin life by the horns and movin forward as they should.......... me however well I'm not doin so well with that lettin go thing. I can only pray now that I've raised them to be happy, safe, and go for whatever it is they want in this world.... I question myself and the decisions I made in raising them daily it seems........ I pray I made the right ones for them all.......
Punk and My Chumps........ Know I love you and you've all made me sooooooooooooo proud.....I'm here for you all always no matter where the road of life leads you.......
Seems life is fuull of new roads for us all .......
I'm in a new relationship..... and lovin every minute of it. John has brought laughter and fun and happiness back into my life.... and love....... things I'd convinced myself I didn't want or  need.... Love ya My Sexy Soldier .. Thank you
Life's journey isn't always fun or even smooth but it is   a journey with new twists and turns daily ......lol
Tomorrow I turn 37 and sit here tonight contemplating....... the last 37 years...... the decisions I've made, good and bad.......The friends I've made , past and present , some that I've recently reconnected with even....The relationships I've had........ The lessons learned ....
Mostly I've learned life is short....... Say I love you and say it often...... Dont' sweat the lil things as at the end of  the day they don't truly matter.....I've learned to work hard and give my all in all that I do but finally I've also learned how very important it is to play even harder......
I've learned that everyone that comes into your life no matter how briefly , leaves a mark that will in some way define who and what you become in the future....

The following is a quote I used as a signature quote on my email ......

There comes a point in your life when you realize: Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

and in so many ways it is true but...... the followin is a response I got from one of my oldest and dearest friends that also hold sso much truth and wisdom ......

Everyone from your past is a part of who you are today.

So when it comes to who matters and who never did and who won't anymore,  they always will.

True don't worry about people from your past, but remember the part they played in your adventure called life. Because of them you are the Smart, Beautiful, carring, Compassionate, Understanding and Passionate, the woman you are today.

You have loved and been loved and are still loved, that makes you special.

And that is why they will always be a part of your future

Thank you Mo........ It truly made me think ........
Ok enough for tonight it's all good and I'm off to spend some much wanted time with my man ......... :D
Love you All
Hugssss