Hmmmmmmmmm ---- Sept. 1, 2009

Tonight I sit here unsettled and I'm not sure why .... My mind runnin a 1000mph in a 100 million directions. Just not sure how to stop it and get off lol. I can't settle on one thing to concentrate on or deal with at the moment . I can't decide if I want to cry or scream or kill something tonight.
Had a major fight with someone who was once a part of my family and suddenly claims to be again because she seen me with someone she works with.... give me a break.........seriously ????????
I watch one of my best friends become more and more in love everyday as he's finally met someone who is so perfect for him in every way. I love to see it and offer her so much thanks as she's gave me my best friend back. Thank You Amy !!!!!!! Johnny I love ya my friend , treat her well and know I'm always here for both of you 24/7.
My Punk is strugglin with life as an adult and findin her feet. Tryin to decide in which direction to go to make her path in this world....
My chumps are back in school and busy as ever..........both in more clubs and classes than I can imagine keepin up with as well as behind the wheel drivers ed this semester ( watch out if you on the roads lol ), while maintainin Honor Roll status .....
Everyday life is just a hectic mess......you know I work my ass off and for what..... I put a roof over our heads and all that we truly need and yes I know right know that's truly an accomplishment but it leaves ya feelin like you work for nothin...... you know and mostly that's ok with me but some days.......
Then we won't even go into my feelins on political bullshit tonight ....... I'd be here for days typin lol........
I sit and look at past blogs and think about dad and julie and those that I've lost in my life and how much they've missed .....and how much more I miss them all.....I know they are all watchin and protectin me and mine but it's not the same ........I can't call dad and say hey I got major crush on someone u work with ......or call my sis and tell her about the newest man in my life ........I don't get to see my neice grow up, my grandparents weren't here for punks graduation and won't be here for my chumps' graduations. Aunts and Uncles that won't get to share in the joys and heartaches of their kids and grandkids..... Friends that left this world all too soon .... some I never had the chance to tell them I loved them or how much they meant to me.......
Life is short and I've finally learned that lesson well.... so I now tell everyone I love that I love them and try to tell them often....I don't want any more regrets....
Life's lessons learned ....hard ones sometimes I tell ya....but mostly I'm happy and secure in who I am.... I have the most awesome family and God bless em they deal with me good or bad days.......
And my friends...... Fuck what do you say about ppl that truly know me, my attitude and stubbornness and not only deal with me but love me as well.....
You know I read this and it sounds as if I'm on a total downer tonight and I'm truly not just off the deep end ....lol
Anyway for tonight......
Dad, Mom, Rickie Dad, My Punk, My Chumps, Brian & Jackie and Families....... I love you all so very much. Life gets in the way sometimes and we don't talk or see each other as often as we'd like but I'm here just a call away anytime.........
John, Johnny,Kathy, Dave and....... I love you guys. You are the best and most awesome ppl a girl could ask to have in her life. Each and everyone of you holds  a very special part of my heart. You All know I'm here always and forever 24/7 for each and everyone of you .... Thank you and I love you all !!!!!!!!!!!!