He wasn't there..... Nov. 17, 2009

My first born and my only girl....... MY baby girl from the first now a woman in her own right. Through it all it's be me and my girl..... until tonight :(

A few weeks ago we found her father, something she so desperately wanted to do. I knew the day would come and I dreaded it but knew I'd never be able to stop it...... After an email or 2 , a brief im conversation and an even shorter phone call it was "Dad" "Dad" "Dad" fuckin everything and quite frankly it fuckin hurts......

Why now does he want to be "Dad" ?????????? Why not 19 years ago.....

He wasn't here when she cried, when she walked or talked. He wasn't here when she was sick or hurt. He wasn't here when she started school or when she graduated with high honors from high school. He wasn't here when her grandparents divorced and she was left devastated. He wasn't here for her first crush and ultinatly her first date. He wasn't here for choir, best buddies or key club events. He wasn't here when she learned to ride a bike or when she fell off a skateboard and broke her arm.

He didn't work and struggle and fight to see she had all she needed and most of what she wanted too. He never paid a dime in support or health care coverage......

For 18+ years I've been Mom and Dad....... and in a blink of an eye that doesn't matter any more ????????????? Doesn't seem fair.

She wants this so bad and to that degree I pray he's grown into a man worthy of her love and trust. She has the right to know if she wants and because shes my baby girl..... I"ll do anythin and everythin I can to support the growth of their relationship. Despite how I feel.

He wasn't there.............

I love you Brittany-Ann